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MISTRAL's European head office is located in France. Here is some information for browsers of this website who may not know much about this fine country. Although it is not widely known the French are in fact
quite capable of laughing at themselves and can also be cheerfully nonchalant about those that laugh at them.
General Overview France is a medium-sized foreign country situated in the continent of Europe. It is an important member of the world community, though not nearly as important as it thinks. It is bounded by Germany, Spain, Switzerland and some smaller nations of no particular importance and with not very good shopping. France is a very old country with many treasures, such as the Louvre and Eurodisney. Among its contributions to western civilisation are champagne, camembert cheese and the guillotine. Although France likes to think of itself as a modern nation, air conditioning is little used and it is next to impossible for Americans to get decent Mexican food. One continuing exasperation for American visitors is that local people insist on speaking in French.
The People France has a population of 56 million people. 52 million of these drink and smoke (the other 4 million are small children). All French people drive like lunatics, are dangerously oversexed, and have no concept of standing patiently in a queue. The French people are in general gloomy, temperamental, proud, arrogant, and undisciplined; those are their good points. Most French citizens are Roman Catholic. Many are communists. Men sometimes have girls' names like Marie or Michel, and they kiss each other when they meet. American travellers are advised to travel in groups and wear baseball caps and colourful trousers for easier recognition. A tunnel connecting France to Britain beneath the English Channel has been opened in recent years to make it easier for the French government to flee to London during future German invasions.
Language Very few people outside of France can speak or understand the French language. This statement also applies to most people that live inside the country too. As evident by the favourite French after dinner subject of arguing amongst themselves as to how to speak their own native tongue. Each word has been carefully designed to be almost impossible to pronounce and even then to sound nothing at all like the letters from which it was composed, many of which aren’t pronounced at all. Backwards are sentences composed. As with its speakers all words are never very far from sex and gender is applied to everything from a garden gate (feminine) to the humble toilet roll (masculine). The French are exceedingly proud of their own language and vehemently condemn anyone still struggling to master it. As they do anyone that actually manages to achieve this near impossible goal.
History France was discovered by Charlemagne in the Dark Ages. Other important historical figures are Louis XIV, Joan of Arc, Jacques Yves Cousteau and Charles de Gaulle, who was President for many years and is now an airport.
Government The French form of government is democratic but noisy. Elections are held more or less continuously and always result in a draw. The French love administration so for government purposes, the country is divided into regions, departments, districts, municipalities, towns, communes, villages, cafés and telephone kiosks. Each of these has its own government and elections. Parliament consists of two chambers, the Upper and Lower, though confusingly they are both on the ground floor, and their members are either Gaullists or Communists, neither of whom should be trusted by the traveller. Parliament's principal occupation is setting off atomic bombs in the South Pacific and acting indignant and surprised when other countries complain. According to the most current American State Department intelligence, the President is now someone named Nicholas. Further information is not available at this time.
Culture The French pride themselves on their culture, though it is not easy to see why. All their music sounds the same and they have never made a movie that you would want to watch for anything but the nude scenes.
Driving The rule in France for vehicular traffic is to drive on the right hand side of the road. No self respecting French person follows rules so in practice everyone drives down the middle, only moving over, to one side or another, when meeting something coming from the opposite direction. For reasons of safety drivers are expected to leave a gap of at least 30 centimetres (12”) from the vehicle in front. Particularly when driving at high speed, which is always. Use of headlights at dusk is tantamount to an admission of cowardice. No French vehicles are fitted with indicators but Hazard lights, along with horns, are fitted. These are used exclusively for celebrating weddings. Respect for other road users and for cars in general, even one’s own, is considered to be a form of weakness.
Cuisine Let's face it, no matter how much garlic you put on it, a snail is just a slug with a shell on its back. Croissants on the other hand, are excellent, although it is impossible for most Americans to pronounce this word.
Service French people although generally quite an agreeable bunch have no concept of providing service to customers and clients. No further information on this subject is available. Even if it were no one in France would give it to you.
Economy France has a large and diversified economy, second only to Germany's in Europe, which is surprising because the French hardly work at all. If they are not spending four hours dawdling over lunch, they are on strike and blocking the roads with their trucks and tractors. France's principal exports, in order of importance to the economy, are wine, nuclear weapons, perfume, guided missiles, champagne, guns, grenade launchers, land mines, tanks, attack aircraft, miscellaneous armament and cheese. France has more holidays than any other nation in the world.
Conclusion France enjoys a rich history, a picturesque and varied landscape, and a temperate climate. in short, it would be a very nice country if it were not inhabited by French people. One good thing that can be said for France is that it is not Germany.
Source: Adapted, edited and enhanced from copy pillaged from an American website.
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